Onward to Marriage Equality – For Real

With greater clarity than I perceive at this moment immediately after the let down of the California Supreme Court upholding the writing-in of INEQUALITY to our state constitution, I wrote on November 5, 2008 that we must move hopefully and relentlessly forward to Marriage Equality.  I think I got it right then.  This is what I believe:

From: Don Diltz [mailto:ddiltz@cbnorcal.com]
Sent: Wednesday, November 05, 2008 7:39 AM
To: Diltz, Don
Subject: REPEAL PROP 8! – Time Is On Our Side

 

Don’t second guess yourself.  You know you did all you could do to defeat Proposition 8 which has now eliminated, for the present, the right of same sex couples to marry.  And you were right in doing all you could..  By pulling out all the stops to defeat the amendment, you supported the least costly and most straightforward route on our ongoing journey to the ideal of a just society.  We know now that this leg of the journey has just begun.

Fortunately, time is on our side – for example: 

• In 1883, the US Supreme Court upheld an Alabama ban on interracial marriage
• In 1948, the California Supreme Court overturned a similar California ban
• On August 4, 1961, President Elect Barack Obama was born to a white mother and a black father
• In 1967, the US Supreme Court overturned a Virginia ban and obliterated anti-miscegenation legislation in the US
• In 2000, the Alabama constitutional amendment banning interracial marriage was overturned with a mere 60% majority
• In 2008 The US elected a President who is interracial

So, we recognize it could take a while.  Its OK.  We, as a people, have time.  We, as citizens of California, have time.  We, as citizens of the United States, have time.  We, as citizens of the world, have time.  Even though we, as individuals, may not see the fruits of our effort.

In the meantime,

• Same sex couples where one partner is without US citizenship will continue to be unable to live permanently in the US and, in some cases, will have no country where they may reside together
• Same sex couples will be required to refer to their husbands or wives as partners and may need to interject “life” to communicate, though imperfectly, some sense of their mutual commitment
• Children of same sex couples will continue to wonder why their parents are discriminated against and what it is that society has against them that their legitimacy cannot be recognized
• Same sex couples who have married, in some cases for the 2^nd or 3^rd time to the same person, each time hoping that the temporary status of the legality of their relationship may be permanent, will wonder about their rights as a couple
• Persons discriminating against lesbians and gays will take heart and be emboldened by the knowledge there is one class of Californians still remaining who it is OK to discriminate against for, as of today, the most fundamental law of California has been altered to identify a unique and superior status reserved only to heterosexuals; literally, homosexuals need not apply for a marriage licens 

AND, time is on our side.  Plan on a continued struggle:

• If you are gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender, open your hearts and minds to show everyone who you are so that those who would discriminate may not fear you and may recognize exactly whom their discrimination hurts
• If you are a straight ally, be aware that you, too, are a minority in California and be vigilant for opportunities to educate the tyrannous majority
• Every day continue to educate and recruit people to support the repeal of Prop 8
• At every opportunity seek out those who discriminate and educate them regarding the damage they do
• Begin today to support the next ballot measure to repeal Prop 8 and, if necessary, the next ballot measure after that until it is repealed.

For the record, I remain confident that Californians will overturn this amendment to the state constitution when a majority has understood the entire the truth about it.  It is now our duty to seek those who do not understand the truth and bring the truth to them.

For, regardless of how you feel about marriage, it is wrong to eliminate the fundamental right of same sex couples to marry just because they are gay or lesbian.  Let us recognize the election of Barack Obama as President as a symbol of the hope for change that we need.  Take from that symbol the energy to right this wrong that has been written into our state constitution.

Thanks to all of you for taking action and doing all you could do to overcome what remains as the greatest civil rights obstacle in this great country. 

REPEAL PROP 8!

 

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Don Diltz Coldwell Banker Top 1% Real Estate Broker, Stanford M.B.A.   Direct: (650) 566-5380 Fax: (877) 225-6859 Email: ddiltz@cbnorcal.com Website: http://www.DonDiltz.com

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Goin’ to the Chapel of Love – Our Theme Song

PMEC Vigil Marching Through Downtown Palo Alto - Day of Decision - May 26, 2009

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So…we prepared…candles, holders, songs, flyers…everything.  But the people at the Palo Alto vigil had their own mind… They picked our theme song: 

CHAPEL OF LOVE

Going to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married
Going to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married

Gee I really love you
And we’re gonna get married
Going to the chapel of love

Spring is here
The sky is blue
Birds all sing
Like they do
Today’s the day
We’ll say “I do”
And we’ll never be lonely anymore

Because we’re
Going to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married
Going to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married

Gee I really love you
And we’re gonna get married
Going to the chapel of love

Bells will ring
The sun will shine
I’ll be hers
And she’ll be mine
We’ll love until
The end of time
And we’ll never be lonely anymore

Because we’re
Going to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married
Going (goin’) to the chapel
And we’re gonna get married 

Gee I really love you
And we’re gonna get married
Going to the chapel of love

Day After Day of Decision – Mad World

I am  preparing to head for the middle (Meet in the Middle 4 Equality – Fresno) for the week end events: March from Selma to Fresno, Meet in the Middle 4 Equality Rally, Leadership Summit.  I find myself still casting around for just the right mind set.  It is not that I don’t know what it is, but that it is clouded with feelings – let down, depression, frustration, irritation, futility, surprise (yet not really), betrayal, injustice.  I will brush them away.  I will. 

In the meantime, my thoughts are drawn to Adam Lambert’s rendition of Mad World.  It is one.

On the Day of Decision many of us gathered.  Our Peninsula Marriage Equality Coalition sponsored two vigils – one in San Mateo (about 100 people came to join) and one in Palo Alto (about 200 people came to join).  It was important to us that our peninsula neighbors see us here with them, not just in the big cities across the nation.  We held signs and we sang songs lamenting our loss.   Passers by in cars honked energetically to show their support – a rare unfriendly gesture was made – but we hooted and hollered and carried on with enthusiasm that belied our inward sorrow. 

Pictures from the events can be seen by linking to the urls below:

Here are some photos that Jack Owicki took:
http://www.smugmug.com/gallery/8342120_J22kF#547272900_FDzji

And here are some that Noell Adams, a professional photographer, took (give her credit if you use them):
http://www.flickr.com/photos/noellafication/sets/72157618763983271/

And here are some that another professional, Carla Duharte-Razura, took (likewise give her credit if you use them):
http://www.shutterfly.com/progal/album.jsp?aid=768a5498cf3de5a830b6

here is a link to 3 pictures from our rally on the San Mateo Times website (click forward to slides #15-17…that’s us):

 

http://extras.bayareanewsgroup.com/east-bay/multimedia/2009/slideshow/0527prop8rallies/index.html

 

 These fine people of the peninsula will reach out to others who will reach out to others who will reach out to others…and we will reach marriage equality by acclamation!

From Selma to Fresno

There are moments in our lives when we can feel the shift in consciousness, the history in the making.
These are the moments right now. Feel them, let them seep in. The LGBT and allied community has an opportunity to show our unity, our strength. The Saturday after CA Supreme Court’s decision on Prop 8, there will be a mass demonstration, rally, march celebrating our diversity, our community, ourselves. This incredible rallying cry will come forth in Fresno, started by the thought of one person, Robin McGhee, to ‘meet in the middle’. The heart of Yes on 8. The heart of California, the heart of our community.
We will stand shoulder to shoulder, in all our differences, in all our commonality, and let the whole world know that we are no different than our straight allies, we love passionately, we work hard, we fiercely protect our families, and we want to leave the world a little better than the way we found it.
During the No on 8 campaign, one of my volunteers told me a beautiful story. Her family was living in Washington DC at the time that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, and her mother flew by herself to Atlanta to be ‘another white face in the crowd besides Bobby Kennedy.’ She was so moved by her mother’s story, that although she had no one close friends in her life who were queer, as a straight woman she felt it was part of her path to stand for equality.  I was also extremely moved by a pair of my volunteers, Laurie Carter and David Vallerga, who would end their phone bank training session saying ‘this is Seneca Falls, this is Stonewall, this is the bridge to Selma….they’ll be making movies about this!’
Whatever you are doing the Saturday after the Court’s decision, even if it is Memorial Weekend, set aside your plans and join us at 1pm in front of City Hall in Fresno

www.meetinthemiddle4equality.com
Stand up for our right to marry the one that we love, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, STAND FOR EQUALITY ‘This is Seneca Falls, This is Stonewall, This is the bridge to Stonewall’ ‘STAND with us, shoulder to shoulder, fist in the air!’

Happy Valentine’s Day!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.”
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

These are really powerful words. At one point in my life, I heard this passage so much it lost its potency. Now, I savor every word.

Marriage is about two people loving each other. For one person to be fully patient with another – wow. I lose my patience with myself. To be kind – kindness is so easily glossed over these days and yet who isn’t happy, sometimes giddy when someone smiles at you? Love is not rude – ‘you had me at hello’. Love always protects, always trusts, always preserves – what else is always there except love?

They say when love comes your way, don’t let go. There are so many challenges in life, and to have a partner in crime, someone who will listen to all the crap, revel in every success, play with you at 2am, hold you when your entire world falls apart, why argue about who can marry who?

And when we talk about marriage, we are talking about two people wanting to dedicate the entire rest of their lives to live with another person – to love. My favorite saying is love always wins. In the end, all that really matters is the love that is shared. That’s what marriage is – two people saying I love this person so much, I can’t live without her, I can’t imagine my life without him. Love is so powerful people will move across the country to be with the one who makes their heart skip.

In my last post I mentioned my parents. Their love was visible to everyone around. My dad stopped smoking because of his love for my mom and he saw how his smoking hurt her. They created a beautiful loving environment to raise three children. Their love for each other was palpable to everyone who came in contact with them.

Their marriage, because it was an opposite sex marriage, was legally recognized by the state. So when my dad was in ICU and breathing his last breath, my mom was at his bedside. She held his hand and told him the stories of their travels. She stroked his hair as he transitioned from this life to the next. Who would want to deny their love, their strength, their commitment to each other?

Why would anyone want to try to stop love? Love is unstoppable and a few are trying to bring it to a grinding halt. Why? Life is challenging enough without trying to stop an unstoppable force.

It is important for us to tell our stories, why marriage is important. It does not matter if you are not in a relationship, tell the story of someone in your life when the bonds of love and the legality of marriage was important. A hospital story, a financial story, a family story. Tell your hopes and dreams for your future. And when you tell your story, make sure you listen to the other person’s story. Acknowledge it, honor it, respect it. And the in end, love will win, because it always does.

To all of you who are married, happy happy Valentine’s Day! Cherish the one in your arms. And to all the rest of us, a very Sweet Valentine’s Day! Cherish the ones in your life. Love actually is…all around.

Marriage?? Not for me, perhaps…or maybe…

This past year the issue of marriage not only became a national issue, but was deemed just as important as the presidential election. And so it was…and now 29 states ban same-sex marriage. Why do I care? I’m a single lesbian in my early 40s and have no plans on getting into a relationship, let alone marriage. I fully enjoy my single status. I’m not even sure I believe in marriage as an institution. Mind you, my parents would have been married 50 years next year had my dad not died 5 years ago. My parents were very much in love from the moment they laid eyes on each other until my dad closed his eyes for the last time. I used to joke that the GIft of the Maji was written about them.

There are arguments that marriage is a religious construct and should hold to traditional values, the belief is that of one man, one woman. However, I am confused as the Old Testament has marriage between one man and many women. And in my viewpoint, ‘traditional’ marriage is about the subjugation of women, as benign as a woman taking on a man’s last name, or as hideous as ‘the rule of thumb’ – a husband can beat his wife with an instrument as long as it is no longer than the width of his thumb. Michigan’s 2005 75% increase in domestic violence murders demonstrates that the rule of thumb is alive and well.

These points can be and have been argued for hours, days, weeks…hell, years and generations. The ‘tradition’ of marriage makes me sick and for others it is their hallmark.

‘Why,’ you ask, ‘for someone who does not believe in marriage, is the issue important to you?’ Sometimes I ask myself the same question. And this is my answer.

No matter my belief or your belief about marriage, marriage in America is a social, legal construct. It is a legal contract that two consenting adults agree to – you go to city hall, get a marriage license and have someone, it can be a judge or a minister, perform the ceremony. Vows are taken, rings are exchanged, the license is signed, and you are married.

The design of this country is brilliant in that a law, or in this case, a right – as in the Bill of Rights – pertains to everyone, not just a select group. Fundamental rights and equal protection under the law. That’s what the marriage issue is all about. That no one group can be marginalized and not granted the same rights as the majority. Marriage comes with 1138 federal rights and protections for couples. Marriage in the US is not about subjugation of women, it’s not about a religious belief. It is a legal contract between two individuals. It is a right that is currently granted to some, but not all.

This country is an idea, an idea that has been gifted through time. Marriage is important to me because I have fought all my life for equal rights for all people. That every one of us is granted the same rights, the same treatment under the law. It doesn’t matter my skin color, my gender. These were rights that had to be fought for – so that as a woman I would be granted the same rights as a man. That people of color would be grated the same rights as whites. And now it’s time for the queer community – lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender – to be seen in the same light as straight folk and granted the same rights. It’s time, and that’s why this single gal cares about marriage and fights for full equality for all.

Jerry Brown: “Prop 8 Unconstitutional” – Brief Filed 12/19/08

Thanks to Jerry Brown, things are looking up for bringing Prop 8 down.

Here is the brief filed on Friday, December 19, 2008 by the California Attorney General’s Office:

attorney-general-brief-re-constitutionality-of-prop-8-0812192

Marriage Equality Awareness Lapel Pins

Marriage Equality Lapel Pins

Be the first in your neighborhood and among your friends to get this attractive sophisticated pin signifying your support of equal marriage rights in California.  The rainbow ribbon signifies same sex couples and the interlocking wedding bands symbolize marriage.  The “CA” insignia shows your support for overturning the effects of Proposition 8 which, on November 4, 2008, eliminated rights of same sex couples to marry in California.

This attractive gold colored cloisonne pin is 1 inch high and has a clutch pin lock on the back.  It comes individually wrapped in bags. 

The cost for the pins is as follows:

1 for      $     5
10   for $   30
100 for $200

For more information, email:  don@pmec.com